Editor’s note: In the spirit of the holidays and promoting better health care, Michael cleverly penned these patient-centered carols. We offer our thanks and sing his praises for generously sharing these copyrighted ditties here.
Copyright © 2015 by Michael L. Millenson. All rights reserved.
A Shared Decision-Making Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
But, of course, the final decision should be part of a shared decision-making process.
A Carol to CAHPS
God bless ye merry gentlemen, may nothing you dismay.
We need for your CAHPS answers to be filled up with “always” today
Because our patient experience scores now go to set our pay.
Oh, our bosses look at quintile rankings to deploy.
So help us get our Christmas bonuses of comfort and joy.
Silently Measured Night
Silent night, holy night.
Our Bluetooth-enabled monitor makes sure that baby sleeps tight.
Our breathing is measured, our REM rate is, too.
We’ve got a special toilet to analyze our poo.
To gather all this data ain’t cheap, but
We sleep in Quantified Sleep.
Rudolph the “Engaged” Reindeer
Ru
dolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And the doc on the telehealth kiosk
Said, “Don’t worry unless it snows.”
CrowdMed said, “Try acupuncture.”
What the heck – the advice was free.
But other reindeer with the same condition
Nixed the idea on PatientsLikeMe.
Then one snowy Christmas eve Watson came to say:
“I crunched your patient-generated data throughout the night –
You’ve got a cold, that’s all: your nose is alright!”
Then all the health insurers
Shouted out his name with glee.
“Rudolph, we love your ‘engagement,’
‘Cause it saved us from paying doctor fees!”
The 12 Days of Patient Centricity
On the First Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A promise of patient centricity.
On the Second Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Third Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Fourth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Fifth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Sixth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six text messages reminding me to take my depression meds
“Choosing Wisely.”
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” printouts
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Seventh Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven patient engagement platforms funded by hedge fund managers
Six text messages reminding me to take my depression meds
“Choosing Wisely.”
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Eighth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight “healthy living” emails from my company wellness plan
Seven patient engagement platforms funded by hedge fund managers
Six text messages reminding me to take my depression meds
“Choosing Wisely.”
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Ninth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine digital health hashtags
Eight “healthy living” emails from my company wellness plan
Seven patient engagement platforms funded by hedge fund managers
Six text messages reminding me to take my depression meds
“Choosing Wisely.”
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Tenth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten new synonyms for “patient-centered”
Nine digital health hashtags
Eight “healthy living” emails from my company wellness plan
Seven patient engagement platforms funded by hedge fund managers
Six text messages reminding me to take my depression meds
“Choosing Wisely.”
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven websites found on Google
Ten new synonyms for “patient-centered”
Nine digital health hashtags
Eight “healthy living” emails from my company wellness plan
Seven patient engagement platforms funded by hedge fund managers
Six text messages reminding me to take my depression meds
“Choosing Wisely.”
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
The name of a truly collaborative PCP.
Eleven websites found on Google
Ten new synonyms for “patient-centered”
Nine digital health hashtags
Eight “healthy living” emails from my company wellness plan
Seven patient engagement platforms funded by hedge fund managers
Six text messages reminding me to take my depression meds
“Choosing Wisely.”
Four drug company diabetes apps
Three “Ask Me Three” print outs
Two dog-eared brochures on hospital safety
And a promise of patient centricity.
We May Have to Wait for Angels
Activists, we’ve heard you sigh
Imploring those in health care to really try
To get past excuses and finally do
What’s right for patients (and doctors, too).
A Participatory Dreidl Ditty
I had a heart-rate monitor It watched me all the day
But the company that makes it
Won’t share data in any way.
Oh, give me my damn data
Or there’ll be hell to pay.
Learn the lessons of “Our bodies, Ourselves”
Patients have the final say.
1 Comment
Michael, Only you could come up with such a songbook. I plan to share widely. Bravo. Pam